


the kind that's not undone

by asael



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Anal Sex, Established Relationship, Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, Switching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 10:10:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8140186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asael/pseuds/asael
Summary: Ronan has never really cared for dates or times, calendars or schedules, but he always knows exactly the day Adam’s next school break begins. The day he’ll come home for a little while.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [notraelet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/notraelet/gifts).



> This was written for Rae, because it's her birthday. Absolutely the best roommate I could ever have asked for, and a wonderful person and incredible friend too. Happy birthday, Rae!!
> 
> The title for this fic is from 'Love They Say' by Tegan and Sara, which is almost as schmoopy as this fic.

There always seem to be too many weeks between breaks.

Ronan guesses that’s because the students at Adam’s college are supposed to focus on learning or whatever, but he mostly just finds it distracting. Adam will come home to the Barns - to Ronan - and spend a week or two with him. Then he’ll leave and Ronan will spend the first week he’s gone feeling like his heart has been stolen away.

It gets easier after that, especially now that he has practice. But as the weeks drag on, it always becomes difficult again. He gets grouchy, easily irritated, like an addict waiting for a fix, which isn’t entirely inaccurate. He and Opal bicker, he stomps around the house, she pulls the cows’ ears. They’re both impossible right before Adam comes back.

Ronan has never really cared for dates or times, calendars or schedules, but he always knows exactly the day Adam’s next school break begins. The day he’ll come home for a little while.

In Adam’s first year, Ronan drove up to visit him on the weekends sometimes, and other times Adam would come down instead. And that was good - great, in fact, especially with the relative newness of their relationship. But now, in Adam’s junior year, they don’t do it anymore. Not because they don’t want to - he misses Adam as terribly as he did then, and he knows Adam feels the same - but because it quickly became clear that it made the absences harder.

Parting is always the most difficult part. The times between are hard, and the times together are amazing, and when they meet again after being apart it’s perfect - but parting again never gets easier.

So they stopped their impromptu visits, except when one of them desperately needs the other (when Matthew got in a stupid rollerblading accident and Ronan was a wreck, when Adam got a letter from his mother full of guilt trips and blame, when Opal got sick and they needed to take care of her). Now they wait for Adam’s breaks, when they can wrap themselves up in each other.

Summers are the best. Months of Adam, Adam, Adam. But even the short week of spring break that’s just starting is something. Ronan feels like he’s been starving for months, ever since he watched Adam drive away after winter break ended. Texts and emails and phone calls are nice, they help, but there’s nothing like his fingers pressed to Adam’s skin, their lips meeting, waking up next to him.

He hears tires in the driveway. He’s at the door a moment later, and then takes a moment to collect himself. Adam will laugh if he seems too eager, even though Adam is never any less so (and even though Ronan loves to see him laugh). He feels, for a moment, strangely nervous.

But he opens the door, and there’s Adam getting out of the car, and everything else falls away. His hair’s a little longer, falling in his eyes, and he’s wearing a shirt Ronan doesn’t recognize, and he looks amazing.

“Hey,” Ronan says, all casual.

“Hey,” Adam says, matching his tone, a smile playing around his lips. “Miss me?” He pulls his bag out of the car - schoolbooks and necessities only, he already has clothes and everything else he might need here - and shuts the door, walking toward Ronan.

“Barely noticed you were gone,” Ronan says, taking Adam’s bag when he gets close and leading him into the house. He feels alive again.

“Asshole,” Adam says with a laugh. “I missed you.”

Then they’re kissing, Adam’s lips on his, Adam pressed against him. It’s everything he’s been missing for all these weeks - the scent of him, earth and leaves and motor oil, his breath sweet on Ronan’s lips, the softness of his hair between Ronan’s fingers. They kiss and kiss, and Ronan can barely breathe and doesn’t care at all.

When they finally separate, Adam doesn’t look away from him. 

“Opal?” he asks.

“With the witches,” Ronan says. She misses Adam, just like him, but sometimes Ronan has to be selfish. Sometimes Ronan misses Adam so much he can’t stand it, and then he asks Blue’s crazy family to take her for a day when Adam’s about to come back. She doesn’t really mind, she just demands extra attention from both of them afterward, and it means - this. Just the two of them, just for a night.

He sees the light in Adam’s eyes, the desire kindling there, and pulls him in for another kiss, this time hungrier. 

“Let’s go upstairs,” Adam says, breathless.

Ronan scowls, to Adam’s amusement. “Why?”

“Because I’m not going to fuck you in the hallway,” Adam says, more amused than annoyed. He always seems so happy when he’s just gotten home, and Ronan would like to think it’s because of him. Whatever it is, though, he never gets tired of seeing Adam smile.

“We have before,” Ronan points out, and Adam rolls his eyes.

“When we were uncivilized, hormone-ridden teenagers. Also I’ve been dreaming of a decent bed all semester. Now move.”

Ronan complies then, feeling light and full and happy, and also horny. It’s been weeks with only the company of his own hand.

They barely make it to their room - not just Ronan’s room, not really, even when Adam isn’t there - before Adam is on him again, kisses growing hungrier, hands wandering.

Ronan doesn’t object. Why the hell would he? He lets Adam pull his shirt over his head, kicks his own pants off and peels Adam out of his clothes in return, touching him everywhere he can, reminding himself of the angles and lines of Adam’s body, his scars and freckles. As if he could forget, as if he hasn’t been thinking of them constantly.

Adam wraps his slender fingers around Ronan’s already half-hard cock, stroking him. Ronan could watch Adam’s hand on his cock all day - well, not really, he’d come pretty quick, he always does when Adam touches him like that, but it’s a nice fantasy anyway. 

Adam pushes him back onto the bed, and Ronan lets him. Adam doesn’t always want to set the pace, and Ronan doesn’t always want him to, but they’ve learned each other’s rhythms over time, they know what they like. And what it really comes down to, in the end, is that what they like is each other. 

Ronan likes it when Adam gets pushy and orders him around, Adam likes it when Ronan gets possessive and just a little rough. They like being gentle with each other, sweet, exploring. They like stupid teenage sex in the back of cars, quickies when they have to be somewhere in a few minutes. Ronan doesn’t think there’s a thing Adam could do that he wouldn’t like, and after everything, he’s pretty sure Adam feels the same way.

Both naked on the bed now, Ronan enjoys the sight of Adam pressing kisses down his chest, his stomach, his thighs. He avoids Ronan’s cock, and Ronan groans in frustration, never hesitant to voice his discontent.

“Come on, you little shit, you know I want you.”

Adam grins. One hand strokes down Ronan’s thigh, teasing, and he licks a wet stripe up the length of Ronan’s shaft but does nothing more, because he’s a total asshole. Ronan glares at him murderously, and Adam laughs.

“I want you too,” he says, and Ronan doesn’t know if he meant it to sound mocking, but it really just sounds sweet and a little needy. Adam can’t quite keep how much he missed Ronan out of his voice, and it twists something in Ronan’s stomach. They tease, they bicker, they don’t always do things the way people might expect - but god, Adam Parrish is everything to Ronan, from the tips of his beautiful fingers to the roots of his messy hair.  
He reaches out, pulls open the beside table, presses the lube into Adam’s hands. Adam’s touch is everything, careful but hasty, opening Ronan up and easing the way, and Ronan breathes heavily, wanting more and knowing he’ll have it soon.

And he does, because every expression on Adam’s face tells him Adam wants the same. Adam is always careful when he does this, too, pressing into Ronan, wanting to see him come apart. He’s slow at first, until neither of them can take it anymore, until they have to move together. Then Adam fucks him, breathless, moving between Ronan’s legs. One hand under Ronan’s left thigh, pulling it up, spreading him apart, the other on his cock, and the whole thing is too much.

Not too much. Just enough. This is everything Ronan’s wanted for weeks, Adam with him, all his, every piece of him. Adam moving inside him is fucking perfect, and he can barely keep his thoughts straight, closer with each thrust. And he knows Adam, knows him better than he knows almost anything. He can see the pleasure on Adam’s face, see how close he is, how much he wants this. How much he wants Ronan.

Ronan’s eyes are on Adam as he comes, because there’s nothing else in the world he wants to look at. It’s a release that feels like it’s been weeks coming, because jerking off by himself is nothing compared to having his senses full of Adam, Adam’s hand on him, Adam inside him. The rush fills his whole body, everything else gone for a moment, and he rides it through to the end.

Adam thrusts into him again, and then he’s coming too, gasping in that sudden way he always does. Adam is almost never loud, unless Ronan teases and pushes him into it. But that’s something he can save for later - they have all week. For now, he watches Adam’s face, his lips, his eyes. He’s so beautiful, and all the more so when he’s utterly lost like this.

After, they clean up, and Adam is careful and conscientious as always. They curl together in bed, they kiss, they whisper soft words that Ronan would never want anyone else to hear. He has a reputation to maintain, after all.

The sex is amazing, it always is, but this might be when he’s happiest. When they fall asleep in each other’s arms - or rather, when Adam falls asleep in his arms, because Ronan always stays awake longer, watching him sleep.

It’s totally not creepy. He just likes the way Adam’s whole body relaxes, the way he looks vulnerable and soft and quiet, Adam who is always so careful about the way people perceive him. Even Ronan. But Ronan gets to see him like this, with all his defenses down, and he treasures it.

(He hates Adam’s roommates at college, who presumably also get to see this. He’s pretty sure they don’t appreciate it properly, though, which is for the best. Then Ronan would have to kick their asses.)

Adam sleeps peacefully, and Ronan eventually does as well. He dreams, but he takes nothing out. Not this time.

The next morning dawns clear and bright, in Ronan’s heart and also in the actual world, which he cares less about. Adam is asleep next to him, and everything is perfect. He can’t help but think that this is how it should be all the time.

But he lives on a farm, and chores need to be done. The cows need feeding, the chickens have to be let out of the coop. It takes time and a significant amount of self control, but he doesn’t move closer to Adam’s warmth, he doesn’t count his freckles or watch the gentle sweep of his eyelashes. He gets up and does his work.

When he comes back to the house, Adam is in the kitchen, clad in boxers and one of Ronan’s t-shirts, making breakfast. Ronan stands in the doorway for a moment, letting himself enjoy the sight. Then he sidles up behind Adam, slips his arms around Adam’s waist, and rests his chin on Adam’s shoulder.

God, he loves this.

“Bacon and eggs? Come on. We’ve got pancake mix in the cupboard.”

Adam elbows him, more or less gently. “If I make pancakes while Opal’s not here, she’ll never speak to either of us again.”

Ronan _hmm_ s in general agreement, distracted by the scent of his own soap on Adam’s skin. He kisses the soft skin of Adam’s neck and gets elbowed again for his troubles.

“Get off, or you’ll never get breakfast,” Adam says, but he sounds far more pleased than annoyed.

Reluctantly, Ronan lets him go, and before long they’re eating breakfast together. Ronan catches Adam up on the progress of the farm, the neighbors he’s somewhat friendly with, Declan and Matthew. Adam talks about his grades, his teachers, his school friends. It’s all stuff they’ve talked about before, via text or email or phone calls, but it’s so different in person. Casual and easy and domestic.

Ronan knows most people would never think of _domesticity_ as something even remotely connected to him. But this is what he’s always wanted. The Barns, a home, somewhere he’s happy and at peace. Adam, waking up next to him every morning. Chainsaw, flapping in to perch on the edge of the table and steal a piece of bacon.

And Opal, their orphan girl, who they pick up later that day.

She’s delighted to see Adam, because of course she is, clinging to him and barely giving him a moment’s peace. But Adam seems happy too, and Ronan is charmed by the sight of it. He leaves them to play card games and talk about the interesting bugs Opal has seen recently, and he takes care of the rest of his daily chores.

And that’s how it goes while Adam is there. It’s not so terribly different from when he’s not there, except that he fills a hole in Ronan’s life, in his heart, and in Opal’s as well. Ronan takes care of the farm and the animals, dreams things, works on various projects he’s created for himself. Adam helps him sometimes - he likes feeding the cows, and especially the deer - but not always. He cooks, too, with a bit more skill than Ronan usually manages - not such a surprise when he’s spent so long taking care of himself. He cleans, organizes. He goes through Ronan’s mail and takes care of things Ronan has ignored for weeks, updates the budget that he likes to work on when he’s home, even though they don’t really need a budget.

He plays with Opal, running around with her outside, telling her stories, indulging her whims without spoiling her. She always seems more obedient when Adam is around, as in love with him as Ronan is, but in a different way. Ronan doesn’t mind. He likes watching them together, likes the peaceful look on Adam’s face as he explains to her what evolution is and how it works.

Adam studies too, getting ahead on his classes for the next term. Ronan will never really understand that nerdy shit, but he likes Adam’s dedication, his drive, his quick intelligence. He especially likes distracting Adam from his totally unnecessary studying (who studies before classes have even started?) and coaxing him into long makeout sessions, blowjobs in the barn, handjobs in the kitchen while Opal’s napping.

He can never get enough of Adam. He’s heard people talk about the honeymoon phase, the early rush of a new relationship, but he doesn’t really understand it. He wants Adam as much as he ever has, which is with every molecule of his body, and it takes a lot of self-control to keep from pulling Adam into bed with him and keeping him there the entire week.

It’s only a week. It’s not enough.

Before long it’s ending, and Opal is sulking, knowing that Adam has to leave soon. Ronan is sulking a little too, if he were to be honest. He knows Adam has to go back, knows Adam’s future is important to him. And in truth, he supports that, he wants Adam to get everything that he’s worked so hard for. He’s not afraid that Adam won’t come back anymore.

He was, the first year or so. He didn’t know if Adam would find someone or something else he wanted more than Ronan, more than the Barns. But it didn’t happen, and it kept not happening, and every time Adam came back he understood a little more.

Adam will always come back, because this is Adam’s home.

He wanted to leave Henrietta because there was nothing there for him, nothing but inadequacy and pain and bad memories. But Ronan is something else, Ronan is something that _is_ here for him, that he wants, that he wants to come back to.

And Ronan will always want him.

They just have to make it through these years, these long periods of absence, and then Adam will be all his.

It’s their last night. Adam is leaving in the morning for his long drive back to the fancy Ivy League college that desperately courted him. Full ride, and he could have gone anywhere - he’s that smart - but they were lucky enough that Adam chose them. At least, in Ronan’s opinion, and he sometimes thinks about how lucky he is that Adam chose him.

But now Adam is leaving again. Ronan savors every moment. The dinner they eat together, the story Adam reads Opal to put her to sleep. The sight of Adam changing out of his clothes, reaching out to put on a shirt to sleep in. As if that’s any use.

“Come here,” Ronan says, and he can hear the roughness in his voice, his need.

God, he hates it when Adam leaves.

Adam looks at him and lets his hand fall, leaving the shirt where it is. He’s already naked. Ronan thinks that’s pretty convenient.

Granted, he’s only in boxers. He doesn’t wear much to sleep anyway, no point when he knows he’s gonna take it off.

They’ve made love every night this week. What a sappy way to think of it - but they have. And plenty of times in between, too.

Ronan knows what he wants tonight, and it’s standing right in front of him.

Adam comes to the bed, climbs on, straddles Ronan, the gentle curve of his ass pressing against Ronan’s dick through his boxers. He leans down to kiss Ronan. It starts out as sweet, but Ronan can’t stop himself. He snakes his fingers through Adam’s hair, tugging him closer, kissing him hard.

Adam is breathing harder when they part, cheeks a little pink. Ronan slides his hands down Adam’s shoulders, his waist, then catches hold of him and moves, switching their positions so Adam’s back is pressed against the bed.

He likes this, Adam looking up at him like he’s everything in the world. He leans down, kissing Adam’s lips and then pressing biting kissing to his neck, his shoulders, his chest, loving each soft gasp he draws from Adam’s lips. He sucks at the skin a little, well aware he’s probably leaving marks. He likes that, knowing Adam will take something of Ronan back to school with him, look at these love bites in a mirror, think of him.

They move against each other, and he feels the hardness of Adam’s cock against his stomach. He wants more, so much more.

“Turn over,” he says, and Adam does, moving his hips up as Ronan urges him to. Ronan likes to watch his face as they fuck, watch him lose control, but he likes this too - Adam under him, legs spread, waiting to be taken.

He slicks lube onto his fingers, slides them inside Adam. They’re both used to this, the rhythm of this, and Ronan never stops loving it. He knows Adam likes feeling wanted, likes knowing that Ronan wants nothing in the world more than him, and he likes giving him that.

When Adam is ready, Ronan pushes into him. One hand on Adam’s hips, the other stabilizing himself on the bed. It’s perfect, tight and hot and everything he needs, and he tells Adam that, because he knows Adam likes to hear it. He likes to hear that Ronan wants him, that he’s everything Ronan needs.

Then he’s moving inside Adam, fucking him. Ronan is not as gentle as he could be, and he knows that’s because - like the love bites - he wants Adam to remember him. Everything narrows down to just the two of them, to Adam underneath him, soft gasps and choked moans and his name. The line of Adam’s spine, the soft fall of his hair, the way he sometimes looks back over his shoulder because he wants to watch Ronan fucking him.

In that moment, it’s everything he wants. He slips his hand around Adam, jerks him off. It doesn’t take much at all. He feels the moment of Adam’s orgasm, hears his cry and feels Adam clutch around him, and then he’s coming inside of Adam too. And it’s everything, it’s perfect, it’s what he needs. This last piece of Adam, this knowledge that Adam is his.

Adam will come back to him.

They clean up, they sink into each other, they fall asleep.

Adam falls asleep.

Like the first night, like every night since, Ronan watches him sleep. For awhile, anyway, before he can sleep himself.

He memorizes the softness of Adam’s face, the curve of his lips, the line of his jaw. His cheekbones, his eyebrows.

It’s not creepy. He’s in love.

Then, eventually, Ronan sleeps.

The next morning they pack up Adam’s car. Opal clings to him and makes him promise to bring her a present next time, Ronan laughs and tells him not to listen to the brat.

He tries to ignore the way his heart wants to break, tries to control his temper. He’s gotten better at it, he mostly manages not to be total dick when he’s upset. Adam will come back, Adam will be with him again. It won’t be long.

He slips a few extra things into Adam’s bags. Stuff he dreamed up, some leftovers, a shiny rock Opal found. Things that Adam can stumble upon later. Things that will remind him of them.

Then it’s time. Opal hugs Adam, Adam kisses her cheek and whispers reassurances in his ear. Ronan moves in, pulls Adam close for a long kiss.

“I’ll miss you,” Adam says, and it’s soft and sweet and only for the two of them.

All Ronan can say is: “Yeah.” He doesn’t trust his voice to manage more. He’s giving a piece of his heart away again, as he does whenever Adam leaves.

They kiss again, and he breathes Adam in, and then he lets him go.

Adam drives away, off to school. Ronan watches him until he turns the bend in the road that leads to the Barns, until he’s out of sight.

Only eleven weeks until he can see him again. Somehow, Ronan will survive until then.


End file.
